Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Urinal Etiquette

Image courtesy of the Motion Picture Association of America.Not really, I swiped it off Google.CAUTION: This post rated PG-13. I'm pissed off, so I'm ranting about it, and I may say something unsavory. If you have small children reading this, please cover their eyes now.

This thing is a pisser!I went into the men's room at work today and you know what; I just don't understand how people are raised. When you step up to the urinal and have to take an abrupt step back because of the sheer nastiness with which your visual and olfactory senses are being assaulted, it just makes you want to gag. And this is in a big corporation, where people are supposed to have a little culture! So now, I'm off on a rant about urinal etiquette. You ladies, this is a good insight into some of your men, and what loathsome beasts they can be.

  • Don’t spit your freaking gum in here. It doesn’t flush.
  • Don’t pick your nose and flick boogers in here or on the barrier walls. (on the BARRIER WALLS, for crying out loud!! I mean, really!!)
  • Same with a big fat loogey. Save that for the stalls, you hopeless ingrate.
  • If you can’t control your loose pubic hairs, then you need to shower more often, you foul, hirsute bastard. Nasty.
  • Don’t pee on the rim, the floor, the walls, or your shoes.
  • Or the ceiling. Kee-rist! You vomitous troll.
  • FLUSH!!! Nobody coming in here after you cares how dehydrated you are, or if you had enough vitamin C, or if you ate asparagus last night, or if you have a really horrible degenerative and oozing social disease, you festering maggot!
  • Are you done now? No, you’re not, idiot; Go wash your hands. With soap. For 20 seconds. You have to shake someone's hand in a couple of minutes! Were you born in a barn???
  • It is absolutely appalling that this needs to be explained to some of you.

There. I feel better now. Stall Etiquette is coming.


Penguin Trauma said...

Ugh! Thank God it's now 1am, and not teatime!

Us women can be just as bad though. Would go to the loo, and the person who used the cubicle before me just "happened" to "neglect" flushing the toilet. And they are on the jam. Yuk. I know being on your periods is quite a stressful and highly emotional time, and it can be overwhelming, but flushing the toilet after use is NOT, I assure you, not going to traumatise you!

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b2 said...

Women are far, far worse. I can't even describe it, it's too foul. I used to clean the bathrooms of a small second-run theater. It was horrifying, & I will not be over it any time soon!
See, momma's don't teach stall etiquette 'cause they never see 'em...